It’s happening more and more all the time now, the encounters that are undeniably supernatural, where the expectation no longer exceeds reality.  I remember not having a voice and being a wall flower smacked on white sheet rock that depicted the color my face shown, when asked a question.  All those years of feeling silenced with strangulation around my neck, told me that I could never be as popular as the outspoken pretty girls.  They laughed and had straight hair they could wear down on a hot summer day at the beach.  I had to slick my curly locks back in a tight bun just to sustain elevated temperatures beyond an average 75 degree day.  Nothing about me made sense, I was just an outsider trying to fit in, but really didn’t want what everyone had anyway.  I had so much to say, but never felt given the chance, and always believed that I would end up expressing my opinion on the un-popular vote and remaining the quiet insignificant girl who didn’t matter anyway.  Even winning prom queen was dismissed because the mean girls stated, “some nobody won”, right in front of my teacher who inquired.  He glanced in my direction and spoke a platitude, while instructing us to open our text books.  Yet, as life would have it, that unpopular vote landed me my first speaking gig, and I addressed my graduating class with a commencement from the heart.  And that begun the search to finding my voice.

At this stage in the game, I have accomplished more in my 44 years than most couples on a mission to run a business and family together.  I’ve shared about the prayers and visions that have come to pass through pages of testimonies and logs of night dreams that stand taller than me, the only problem is that getting my message out to the world, remains daunting.  At times I can journal thoughts and phrases that completely amaze myself, knowing full well that the Lord is moving my pen across the sheet of paper.  I have fantastical stories, numerous.  I used to keep a mini recorder in my purse so I could speak of the miraculous insights Daddy God was revealing to me until my cell phone had the capacity to offer greater storage space.

My gratitude for God’s timing has increased so much in the past two years that I often forget about the numerous arguments I had with my Savior about missing the mark and being born in the wrong time.  I know others who believe each generation is bettering the previous one, but I have rebuttaled that from my core since birth.  I am an old soul and barely acknowledge the gifts of newcomers who lack character on the evangelical or charismatic scenes.  What I know is that many passed me over for the outspoken, popular preachers while I was in my prayer closet studying the Greek and Hebrew of scripture.  The argument was my behavior, and I’ll give it to them, for I was succumbing to sex for the sake of being held by any man who would appease me after I obliged him.  A lot of powerful patriarchs and matriarchs of the supernatural had their hang-ups so why was I made such a spectacle out of?  I have confessed my relational liaisons to three major congregations in my time who each still place that scarlet letter on my chest.

Very well because they can’t possibly know where I’ve come from or been apart of my every breath like Jesus has.  Let them follow the popular trend or non-denominational agenda if they must, I just cant.  Maybe that is why I see everything as a direct extension of heaven, a hand reaching down and guiding my steps through taking my palm.  For me it has been that intimacy of question, argument, and tears that have led me into the position of appointment I find myself today.

I am a fighter for the underdog and became this person because of the silence that I know they carry and never explain.  It wasn’t until I gave my heart to the Lord, that I began sharing what Holy Spirit gave me the courage to say.  Now, I am ridiculed for being sarcastic, blunt and a betrayer of the faith, but I get to continue in my life’s work knowing that those accusations, couldn’t be further from the truth.

None of us know what it has been like for another individual to walk out his or her story.  Only Daddy God has been there from the formation of their body in the womb and all subsequent thoughts and circumstances through out life.  When I appropriate the reality of my life looking like a mess to outsiders, I pause and quiet myself in reverence for the miracle working power in a God I serve.  He has used this shy, scared and silenced woman to proclaim the very real power of His ability to make a story out of an ordinary life.  I had to think outside of a religious and society box in order for me to aide in that same liberty for people who have crossed my path.  He is not finished with me, nor is He done with you.  Your voice may not be heard by the multitudes, but it is valued and echoed in the courts of heaven where every thought has been heard.