Each new episode devastates us as if it were the first, yet we soon revert to the reality we choose to see; exceptions, mistakes, or one time occurrences can be overlooked. Once again however, we paint a picture of bliss and harmony that was bound to let us down.  Could it be demons lying to us about hope in another persons behavior?

I always told myself “not to feel” as a child yet remember having to control the way the wind blew my hair through the front car window as I stiffened in the back seat, enduring one of many moments that told me I was insignificant.  Utter rigidness braced me for the need to guard my heart that would best be given over to numbness.  This became far easier than allowing myself to make a decision that could ignite a reaction from either parent which would further dump responsibility on my shoulders that was way too heavy to bear.  I never trusted that people or good moments would remain so I grew up seizing moments of opportunity because I may miss out on the blessing that so predominately rewarded others easily.  Even on my wedding day I suspected I would remove pictures from my wall of the so-called happy events in my life.  Eight years later, that thought manifested.

I let my personality morph into whoever had a brighter idea than me, that way if something went wrong it wasn’t my fault and I could remain in survival mode, enduring the chaos until it passed and a new emotional tidal wave emerged from shoving hyper-vigilance behind an unseen dam.

Spiritually Speaking:

We eventually realize we had unknowingly blocked out entire segments of our past and present because demonization became a false protector: a friend or a foe, whose attack caused reaction and subsequent guilt.  We recognize situations in which we had unconsciously lied to ourselves for temporary sanity and fleeting bliss.  Yet, simultaneously we understand that our soul and mind were making sense of the traumatic events as best as it could when we were little.  This is the reason why a daughter can justify her own misbehavior as being the cause for her father to throw her down a flight of stairs.  Ignoring the emotional shock of such abuse allows the child to still hope for a loving connection to the parent should an opportunity arise when she wouldn’t provoke his temper.

The demonic assignment however would never allow her good behavior to measure up, and therefore it ignites a theme of control in her that strives for hiding all feelings until she forgets she even has any.  Her life totally affected by trauma assigned demonically, shapes her personality into a quiet disposition led by fear and confusion.

With Jesus, light arose from within and no longer did escaping, ignoring, denying or reacting have full residence.  Demonic influence had competition and a vibrancy for life started to emerge.  Putting out the demons fires became less imperative.  Making memories, both good and bad became a choice I was accepting of because my faith was no longer placed in another human or circumstance.  Now that the demon of control was dismissed, I could hang or remove pictures anytime I wanted without having to visit a past disappointment.