I rented a cabin, recruited my best friend and packed up the puppy to bring the great outdoors into my line of vision and embrace facing my fear of heights.  The first day we drove with anticipation for 3.5 hours into the North Carolina mountains of Saluda with enough time to check into our primitive cabin.  The shack had all of the bare necessities and humored us with a twitching light that flickered even after we unplugged it.  Assessing that we may not want any extra spiritual beings communing with us, we put the lamp on the front porch and cleansed the place for our peace.  So off we went to explore the grounds and found an amazing miniature zipline to get acquainted with the propulsion of gravity to send us flying through the air.  It was evident that God went before us on the planning of this trip because our very own playground was in the front yard of our humble abode offering a seesaw, horseshoes, swings and challenges to tap into our childlikeness, and since I was turning 46, I found it all quite fitting.  So up the tree stand we went with a group of strangers to harness ourselves up to a cable that would allow us to swing between platforms among the tops of trees over a four hour period.  I figured after a drive that being free in the sky would be the closest to heaven imaginable before the white water rafting, rappelling and mountain climbing that would follow suit.  But once I saw how blindly we would have to go into the wilderness without an end in sight, I started to reel backwards from the excitement. 

Thank God Erin and I were the last two participants because I studied her composure and witnessed her effortless release into the treetops before she disappeared.  However, when it became evident that I was the caboose and had to bring in the last leg before we could all continue, I teared up.  It was at this moment where I had to listen to the instructor’s words intently in order for me to catch my breath that had been hijacked by fear.  My palms were sweating, I was pitted almost down to my waistline and I could feel the flushing that was reddening my face.  I squeezed my eyes shut, lifted my legs off the platform and screamed the entire way from start to finish.  The team awaited my response at the other end, which I must admit spewed out some profanity, but the shaking of my entire body told us all that my point of view was more intense than most.  And it only increased.  

The depiction of the excursion on the website made it sound like each new zip would get easier, however that was not the case.  In fact, the second attempt was where I really lost all composure and basically had to be talked into calm from the instructor, whom now I had grasped onto for comfort, totally ditching Holy Spirit because I couldn’t feel him.  This surrogate to true counsel, was named Roy, and he admittedly accepted his role of helper in my life at that moment.  Because the pull on the cable was taut, I was panicking that my body would release without my readiness and so I gripped onto my handlebars with excessive tension only to be reminded by him of the need to relax.  Relaxation was impossible as my faith was wavering.  His calm, cool, collected demeanor only reflected what I lacked and it was in that moment where praying in tongues seemed my only option.  I’m sure he was freaked out, but so was I, and then off I went.  When he joined us on the other side, I felt we had bonded through my transparency and he confirmed it with unspoken eye contact.  Yup, at this juncture I was the wild card of the bunch and nobody quite understood why I was there, including me.  It seemed all fun had poured out of my veins and pooled into my fingertips which were now so battered up and physically blue, that everyone was pained by my experience.  But that was nothing in comparison to the coming events which is where I want to interject Erin’s vantage point.  She unbeknownst to me, had a revelation from Holy Spirit that her childhood imagination was indeed her introduction into the supernatural which God reminded her of in the days leading up to our festivities. 

Since our relationship was founded on my sharing Christ with her when she was 23, the same age that I was when I got saved, all of my testimonies have been fleshed out through repeated endeavors in her presence over the past two years.  Hence, her expectation of the miraculous has been imparted since day one of our meeting and now she was carrying the torch.  It seems that the Lord revealed an entourage of angels that have always been surrounding her since she was small.  They have indeed always protected her and when this reality was exposed, she began interceding for our trip and that the both of us would be safe and protected by her angels.  It seems they were indeed at arms length from us while we were flying through the clouds because we were going to have to call on them.

By the fourth zip line Erin switched places with me so that she could encourage me to be brave and catch up with me on the opposite side of the ride.  I realized that my trust in The Lord was non-existent and that I had misplaced all of it onto Erin and Roy’s shoulders.  Our other instructor who led the expedition was named Chris but I nicknamed him Tarzan because he leapt into the air as if he was seizing the jungle every time.  His presence suddenly became known in a new found way as my cable on his receiving line snapped back and shot my body backward before I could touch base.  He directed me to take hold of the cable and talked me through pulling myself back to firm footing manually.  I didn’t take kindly to the extra jolt and was flooded with toxic thoughts that lied to me about the enemy always looming to steal my joy.  The suggestion of satan was upon me and I saw myself singled out as doing something wrong for experiencing a trip-up that nobody else had to suffer.  I felt exposed, embarrassed and defeated because this whole venture had been hard for me from the beginning while everyone else was a natural.  The spiritual warfare had begun and Erin saw it in my eyes which were tearing up once again.  The positions of our team changed and I was last again.  Tarzan led the rest of them through the highest point of our lines for the day and I was battling in my mind with Roy tenderly by my side. 

I removed my sunglasses and prayed for forgiveness of my unbelief because I lost hope in finishing the course with enjoyment.  I wasn’t even half way through our excursion so I couldn’t wimp out now with all of the onlookers so I faked it in hopes of making it and scrunched my eyes tight with a leap void of all faith. I screamed for the beginning moments after take off but then peace surrounded me and I was effortlessly gliding through the sky.  I was breathing and kept my eyes open to fully take in the experience.  It was sublime.  Tarzan championed my safe execution and return as he pulled me onto the plank where I joined my team.  Joy was given in exchange for my surrendered unbelief.
Glasses off and success under my belt, we were trying something new, and of course the order was reversed and Erin went seamlessly first.  I was second in command which meant pressure was on because I did not have the one-on-one coaching from Roy accessible with a line of participants dependent on my timed release.  We were told to walk off or risk hurting our backside that could hit the plank and that’s when danger flooded my mind.  I have already lived a full life of chronic pain and didn’t need to add to my list of ailments.  In a nanosecond I was tortured with the stupidity of my decision to even put myself in harms way with my current physical conditions.  I had no time to battle those accusations by reminding myself of my choice to conquer physical setbacks by doing this, because the group was waiting impatiently for me to get going.  I shut my eyes, felt the drop in my stomach and kept the handlebars closer to overcompensate for the rush of nausea that filled my insides.  

I saw the end approaching when suddenly I was repelled back from a crushing force against my forehead.   My whole body tilted sideways as my head endured the impact with the brake at 35mph.  I heard Tarzan yelling instruction to once again take hold of the cable, only this time I was incoherent and already suffering from the pain manifesting over my left eye. The knot formed instantaneously and the dizziness was consuming.  The throbbing pain was instantaneous, the rest, emotional. I was flooded with every negative thought and feeling that allowed the enemy to take me right out of the game.  Erin was tearing up as I cried on her shoulder and kept asking, “why of all places, would my head be the target again”?  I have had three concussions in my lifetime, the last two being the reason I sought help from a neurologist at Emory and moved to Atlanta.  She knows of my battles with misdiagnosis and the daily struggle I have with chronic pain, brain function and expecting those injuries and others from my past to be fearful reminders of my limitations. She just held me as the shock of yet another attack, stole my peace and attempted to ruin my birthday trip just hours into its start. 

Tarzan couldn’t explain why my cable tripped up two times in a row and I could tell that he and Roy were communicating even though no words were exchanged.  The medic was called and our group was told that there was no way down except through the next obstacle bridge, no doubt a directive made so I would not be singled out, but all the same expected to brave before getting help.  I was so angry at the misfortunate event that I felt my veins pulsating in my arms as I whisked across the unstable boards that floated in the air.  My whimpering brought a somber feel over all of us and I accepted that this journey was coming to an end.  I was so scared of having to see how high we were suspended that my knees were knocking and I could not control the tremble that was manifesting.  Tarzan had such compassion in his eyes as he assured me that this last cable would lower me down so I could receive aide.  Without words I locked my eyes with his as I was still uncontrollably crying and I grasped his arm as he let go of me for the descent.  That had to of been the mildest, most refreshing thing I had done all day, and then my feet hit ground.

It was apparent to me that every guide was schooled in emotionless response to accidents because all those who assisted in my decent from the mountain, gave two word answers and offered no empathy for the growing bruise on my face. I would have taken sympathy at this point, but it became more than enough to have Erin’s hand and shoulder to wrap around for support as I peered through one eye and pressed ice on the other.  I slipped and thought my bones would snap in two if they shuttered against another hard surface, but the blank stare from our guide reminded me that rocks are more forgiving than people on a mission.  Obviously, he was on a mission of completion. Downward we went and I shared all of my familiar tragedies with Erin as if it were only the two of us because her consoling presence kept the peace for all three of us.  I had engulfed the belief that total disaster is my lot in life by the time we were retrieved by the transport van.  No words were exchanged at this check-in stage from the driver, so I continue to talk as if we were alone, wondering if human emotion was frowned upon at this adventure resort.  Without further shock of dismissal from the clerk at the front desk, I could only assume that my appearance accompanied by weeping was the deterrent to her asking if I was alright as I wrote down my information and the incident.  Erin and I departed to the car where I saw the damage in the mirror of my swollen forehead with two distinct welts growing.  I shouldn’t have looked because it made matters worse, a fixation on the deformity of my face sent my mind reeling into the next four days of having to hide indoors.  I sat in the passenger seat stunned and disappointed in God.  Why did He let this happen?  Haven’t I suffered enough?  Didn’t He want me to face my fears and overcome them, not get clobbered by them?  Was this supposed to help me release concerns over body pain, what my face looks like, getting a decent picture on my birthday? 

As I heard myself argue it out into the atmosphere, I started asking God to do the impossible, change my mindset.  We already had witnesses of the trauma that ensued so why not ask for a miracle to wipe it away?  That began an intercession for my own behalf that I could only dream of from powerhouse warriors.  I remembered Erin’s angels and envisioned them, called out to them and sought the Savior for surrender, laying my wounds both physical and emotional at His feet.  I proclaimed justice, that my trip would be redeemed, that the rest of the evening would be taken back for the Kingdom.  I laid hands on myself, declared wholeness and no repercussions, not even a bruise to remain, that dizziness, pain and suffering would be abolished.  I thanked The Lord for being with us through it all and for providing a friend who knew me intimately to minister beside me on this journey.  I thanked him for our guides and their patience and the hope that they had to give us a fun-filled experience.  I thanked Jesus for indeed giving me quite the personality to be the comic relief for everyone until tragedy hit and for knowing that this same personality would make it into a testimony of His faithfulness one day.  I suddenly got a surge of energy and started smacking the dashboard with each new praise I exclaimed, giving glory for His great provision, turn-around, hope for healing and continued guidance for the rest of our trip and days on earth.  I would not be overcome by the enemy because pain is laughable at this juncture in my life, as if this is a new strike from evil, hell I could laugh at all the attempts to take me out.  Take me out he would not do because satan had overplayed his hand too soon on the timeline of our vacation and I was leveling the assault with worship.  And then I heard, “You took your glasses off which protected you from much more damage”, and I was almost speechless!  Our prayers for protection were heard!  He was with us through it all!  We put on the worship music and drove off the parking lot toward cabin fever in victory!  The assault was abolished in the spirit realm and therefore we would await for the natural.

  
Once I put out a prayer request with the video Erin captured to over 20 people, we realized we were hungry.  To town we went for some grub and we spent the entire dinner reminiscing over the good, the bad and the ugly of our day.  I couldn’t imagine being in these circumstances with anyone else and my heart was overflowing with gratitude for the the friend He gifted me with.  I often speak of Jonathan and David from the Bible as being the replica of a steadfast friendship founded on pure love that cannot be understood by others.  I couldn’t believe how thankful I was for the whole experience, even the pain and suffering that ensued because we were girded with sustainable mercy that allowed us to process every moment.  I slept that night with an ice pack over my face, in and out of sleep, comforted by Erin next to me and God even closer.  When I awoke I reluctantly turned on the bathroom light to inspect my face and with a gasp of astonishment saw no remnants of swelling and bruising. The area was sore to touch but visible evidence of pain was erased.  It was a miracle!  It was my utmost concern handled, after all I wanted to go out on the town and dress up for the camera, you are only 46 once.  And Daddy did that for me.  It was the best birthday gift a girl could ask for.

Unfortunately we had to be up at 7am for me to make the great discovery of no blemishes deforming my face, because we were scheduled for an all day rappelling down a mountainside waterfall.  We quietly made it to the camps start and I was getting nervous just by being back at the familiar location.  I had a peaceful knowing that I may not want to participate but I was trudging forward anyway.  It was only three of us, Erin, me and another girl alongside two new guides.  The dudes were miniscule and I joked that I could squash them if I slipped down the slightest of inclines but they seemed assured in their abilities to strap us up safely to cables.  I went along with the idea up half the mountain but I was not putting any credence in a man the width of my thigh to save me from a certain death.  When we got to the first test run for a rappel, I lost my words.  I know that Erin knows, when I stop speaking I am up in my head, and amazingly enough the other girl felt it too.  I watched the two of them harness themselves with a rope and walk backwards down a mountainside.  When it came to my turn I just shook my head no, and I was ready to hike it back down the trail all by my lonesome if it meant getting the hell away from that cliff.  Nobody said anything and the guide collected his gear, and then paused.  He looked at me and asked if I would be willing to just try and see what it feels like because I might regret getting this close without attempting.  Again, without saying a word, I walked to the cliffs edge.  I saddled up and embraced the rope with my left and brought it around to my butt with the right.  I had so much incredible fear well up in me that I couldn’t contain the tears.  With my eyes pouring out almost as much water as the waterfall, I couldn’t possibly trust myself  or God to get me down this mountainside.  I cemented myself there for at least three minutes contemplating if I even wanted to do it and after deliberation said, “Nope, I’m good”.  I unlatched myself from the rickety cables that I was convinced would rip and have me crash my face into the bedrock and I wished my comrades well. 

And thank God I did because the next decent was triple the height and I would have had to land in a pool of freezing water at the bottom.  They didn’t say anything about the pool of water I would have to dredge through, so thank the Good Lord my rear-end naturally responded to the Holy Spirit and aborted the plan.  I blessed Erin and the other chic, and off I trekked down the mountain with another guide who I’ll call Moncheechee because he actually talked.  We had a fine conversation for the entire duration of our hike and it was confirmed that they were all trained to not show emotion when people get hurt for liability reasons.  I joked that they really wouldn’t have to worry if someone died, but he didn’t think that was funny.  He did think it was cool that I chose to skip out on the excursion and trust my gut because other people have to be told to opt out and return when they are ready. That gave me pause and I thanked God once again for His ability to teach me trust in both Him and myself.

I waited in the sun for Erin’s day to play out which was great for me because I was warm and avoiding the river,  but when she got back she shared of her own dilemma of getting hurt.  With the other two people as witnesses, she slipped on the mossy rock and hit her shin.  There was a dent big enough for all of them to consider calling for help over. The rushing water allowed her to regain strength for continuance after keeping it submerged and them waiting for the swelling to go down.  She claimed not knowing which was worse, the freezing water or the injury, but the cold was the saving grace for her healing.  There was a slight indentation that remained when I saw her.  She assured me that I made the best decision in avoiding the experience altogether because I would have hated it.  She however, got amazing pictures and overcame her fear of pain once we got showered up for my birthday outing.  In amazement we saw the manifestation of her bruise disappear!  It became a 24hr period of complete healing without any ramifications for the both of us!  Even though we had witnesses and saw subsequent proof of damage, God and her angels provided the turn around that we needed.  We were celebrating way more than my birthday that evening.  It was a testimony to the miracle working, present moment, angelic and healing power of our God who gave us reason to profess His glory with yet another testimony.  

May we be willing to climb the mountains before us and trust in the willingness that allows Him to level it.